Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
