I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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