youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
