we're chasing vodka with high fives
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
