i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
