I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize