I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
