these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
