Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize