This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
