I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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