cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
