Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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