did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
