I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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