He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
