So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
