Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
