I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
