I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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