I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
