the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't turn off my feet"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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