I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
