I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
