Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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