I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
