Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
