I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
