Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
