If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
