there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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