I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
