There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
