Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
