The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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