Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
