Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize