I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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