I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
