Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
