TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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