I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
