maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
