I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
