alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
