I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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