She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
