And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
