every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
