ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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