I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
