I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I want is dick and wine.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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