I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
