She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
