Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize