Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
