He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
