life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
