Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
