not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
