cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize