she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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