Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
