yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
