whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
