It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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