naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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