Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
