I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
