I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
