the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ttyl tear gas
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize