I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
