Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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