fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
