do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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