Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
