he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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