I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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