He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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