Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
