My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
