At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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