hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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