He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
