guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
