How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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