would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
