it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i came on her dog
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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