The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
