I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
