I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
