ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
