You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
