so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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