it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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