so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
