and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
