You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
