I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
