All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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