I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize