Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
