who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
