i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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