im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
