Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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