a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize